Shoes So Insane I’d Roll The Dice On Bare Feet Before Resorting To These

Nobody can argue that fashion trends get REALLY weird sometimes. Fashion is one of the most fluid and unpredictable industries in the world, and for good reason. I would argue that shoe styles can have some of the most surprising trends, and you’re about to see why.

From shoes with aquariums in them to footwear made out of Ikea bags and everything in-between, it seems that the more shockingly bizarre your footwear looks, the better. The shoes in this article are odd, eccentric, and even just straight up gross. Enjoy these masterpieces.

Balenciaga, What Are You Doing?

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

If you’re not big into the fashion world, you might not be aware of just how expensive this brand is. Just for reference, a pair of shoes from Balenciaga can go for well over $1,000.

Like, almost all of their shoes are as ugly as these. If you don’t believe me, please look it up.

Cow Thongs? Thong Boots?

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I’ll be the first to tell you that there is next to no air circulation when you’re wearing cowboy boots. Those things are sealed up TIGHT.

Having an option (kind of like a jeep that opens its roof) of breathability in a boot for a hot day on the ranch would be a positive thing.

There’s Something Fishy About These

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I have a couple of questions regarding the aquarium shoe. First of all, how do you go about feeding the fish?

Second of all, if the lack of food doesn’t kill it, I know that the stench from my foot absolutely will. The good news is that humans can finally walk on water (beat that, Jesus).

For The Stylish Hiker

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

If you’re someone who likes to look good while also hiking up a mountain, you’re choices are slim to none.

There’s nothing “sexy” about wearing hiking boots. They’re always poo brown or black with extra thick soles and a unpleasing structure. But, these water proof high heel boots might be the “shoot” (shoe-boot) you’ve been looking for.

A Centaurs Night Out

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

If you see a centaur prancing around in these bad boys, you know they’re going out for a night on the town.

These aren’t to be worn ANYWHERE but expensive clubs and galas, I mean, that shouldn’t surprise you considering they’re made by Gucci. Well, I’m kidding about that. I was just horsin’ around.

Some Assembly Required

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

Not going to lie, these shoes are pretty fire. Don’t let Kanye sees these or else he’ll probably turn them into his next line of Yeezys.

They look like a DIY project gone right, for once. But, if they were even close to as hard to put together as Ikea furniture, then I’m sure it was incredibly frustrating.

There is Nothing Comfortable About These Shoes

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I don’t know where to start with these. My feet are aching just by looking at these. I think a prerequisite to putting these on your feet is that you have to have done ballet.

I know nothing about dance, but isn’t this the same sort of contortion that those ballet people have to do?

The Lazy Toddler Converse

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

Remember when you were little and would put your feet on your parent’s feet and walk around with them? Well, the development team at Converse listened and they created these shoes.

I know many lazy toddlers who would absolutely love the free ride around on these babies. In fact, I would too.

These Are Giving Me Cold Feet

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I could never wear these. First of all, the arch in them is incredibly high, which looks uncomfortable enough.

But, the main issue is that my feet are ALWAYS cold. I’m not a doctor but I don’t think the remedy to that problem is sticking them into blocks of ice.

Fishin’ For Compliments

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

There always has to be that ONE person who takes their shoe game WAY too far. If you thought Crocs were bad (which they’re not, we’ll talk more about that later) then you need to be condemning these.

Fish are friends, not shoes. Fish are friends, not shoes. Fish are friends, not shoes. The more you say it, the more these suck.

It’s The New iShoe

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

Unless you’ve been living under a rock the past couple of years, you know how expensive iPhones are. The more resourceful you can be with them, the better.

This person probably bought their new iPhone and then realized they didn’t have enough money for shoes so they improvised. I’m going to have to do this soon.

I Guess That’s The Beauty Of Recycling

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

You know, I never thought that I would see a pair of sandals made from recycled jean shorts and find them appealing. But, surprisingly, I think I’d at least give these a try.

I feel like it’d take about 10 times wearing them to get the material feeling comfortable, but it’s worth a shot.

We See You Crocs, You’re Not Fooling Anyone

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

Yes, this is another Balenciaga shoe that is probably $3,000. But, you’d have to be blind to not see the Croc inspiration here.

Crocs are always overlooked and under appreciated. I’m not going to tell you not to buy these, but you can get the same comfort and look for $2950 cheaper if you just go with Crocs.

An Honorable Mention

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

These aren’t shoes, but we have to give an honorable mention to this person. You must be in some kind of weird mental state to think about getting a tattoo like this.

What does it prove? What’s the meaning? What’s the point? To each their own, I guess, but yikes.

Break A Leg

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

These shoes look about as sturdy as a piece of paper in a tornado. If you put too much pressure on these puppies you’re going to take a hard tumble.

They bring a new meaning to the phrase “break a leg”. Those little calf muscles will be huge after a few nights out.

Move Over Socks And Sandals

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I don’t get the big fuss over people who wear socks and sandals. Sometimes the weather is too cold for your bare feet, but too hot to put on actual running shoes.

It’s practical to wear exposed socks. These barefoot running shoes and sandals on the other hand should be sending people to the streets to riot. Ew.

We’ve Spotted Our First Alien

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

If you’re ever wondering what aliens will be wearing WHEN they end up coming and taking over the world, it’s these.

I’d be burying the lead if I didn’t talk about how high this person’s pants are. That distance from pant to shoe is only appropriate if you’re avoiding a flood.

Shoeception

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

This might be news to you, but inside every fat shoe, is a thin shoe that’s just trying to create a name for themselves. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that this girl LOVES white shoes.

These are perfect for going absolutely nowhere and doing absolutely nothing. Don’t wear them.

My Ankles Hurt Just Looking At This

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I don’t understand how girls can walk in small heels, never mind in these full on stilts. I hope that she gets scouted to be in a circus or something because this is talent.

It’s also a smart move at the grocery store. She adds about ten inches to her height which will help with grabbing food off of the top shelf.

Cowboy Sandals

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I know you can picture the exact type of guy who would wear these things. It’s your crazy uncle Fred who doesn’t have any kids, has never had a girlfriend, but always gives bad relationship advice.

He’s the one at Thanksgiving who starts a lot of his sentences with “I’m not racist, but” and then says something VERY racist.

It’s All About The Buckles

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I’m a huge advocate for those buckles. They’re efficient, they’re easy to use, and they work. If it was more socially acceptable, I’d have them on all of my shoes instead of laces.

Yes, they don’t necessarily look the most professional or pragmatic, but for an inherently lazy person like myself, they’re perfect.

When It’s Your Last Day At Work

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

If you’re ever needing a shoe choice for your last day of work, look no further then these. They’re subtle, yet they send a strong message about how you’re feeling that day.

It’s the “I don’t give a f***” attitude that we all have when we know that we won’t have to see our annoying co-workers anymore.

Careful, Your Redneck Is Showing

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I’m sure you’ve heard of water skiing or wakeboarding. But, unless you’re from the South, I’m going to assume you’ve never been horse blading before.

It’s where you tie a rope to the back of a horse, wear these cowboy boot roller blades, and just let the horse drag you across the open road. It’s like a 5/10 dangerous.

The Tooth Fairy’s Night Out

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

If you’re ever wondering what the tooth fairy does when she takes your teeth, here it is. I mean, it could be a lot worse.

She could be selling them on the black market or something creepy like that. These shoes at least have an interesting look to them and would go very well with the tooth fairy’s classic cavity dress.

A PC Gamer’s Wet Dream

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

If you’ve ever been exposed to someone who loves playing PC video games, you know how dedicated they are. They’ll play six to seven hours a day without a hint of exhaustion.

These feet boards, or sandals, are the perfect birthday gift or Christmas present. I’m telling you, they’ll think they won the lottery.

Not Too Pad

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I mean, why not? If you can grab some slippers that also double as your pads, you might as well do it.

I can’t say that i’ve ever tried these on, or even thought to. But, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that they’re probably pretty comfortable.

Make Shoes Great Again

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

Despite these looking incredibly creepy, I don’t mind the idea. If you were telling me that I could wear the President of the United States as shoes, I wouldn’t hesitate in saying “yes”.

I will say that the designers were a tad bit generous on Trump’s jawline. Last time I checked, he had an at-risk chin (meaning it has the potential of doubling very shortly).

Camel NO

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I don’t know about you, but my mind went immediately to these looking like a camel toe. You could have A LOT of fun scaring people with these foot prints.

If you leave these footprints outside of a church, you’ll have the Sunday morning crowd thinking that Satan has returned from the dead.

Wow, A Hint Of Normalcy

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

Just looking at these shoes is a breath of fresh air. Of all the shoes on this list, I think that it’s safe to say that these are the most normal.

These are perfect for a short person who is going to a theme park. It gives you the extra height (so you can get on the roller coasters) but they’re also comfortable like a running shoe.

They Start Strong And End Wrong

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

These boots would be fantastic if they didn’t have those toes at the end of them. They have such a slick look and I absolutely love the patterning.

Even if you trimmed those nails down a little bit, the boots would be more wearable. I guess they’re a talking point worst case.

Air Jordan’s Gladiator Edition

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

If you’ve ever seen the movie Gladiator, you’re aware of the athleticism that’s involved in what they do. They’re literally fighting for their lives.

If I’m having to slug a 70 lbs mace around at some guy’s head, I’m going to trust one brand and one brand only — Nike Air Jordan’s Gladiator Edition.

These Will Give A Little Hop In Your Step

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

There’s really nothing like having your heels shoot the ground. If you’ve ever experienced it, you know that it puts a little extra hop in your step.

It’s great though, because everyone will run away from you and therefore you don’t have to worry about any traffic. You might see some flashing lights and some extra police presence, but just ignore it.

One Step Further

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

We’ve already seen sandals that are made out of denim jeans. But, these have an extra element that a lot of people are going to be looking for.

The added leg warmers are a very big selling factor. With that, any extra pockets that a girl can have on her body are much needed.

When Your Shoes Finally Hit Puberty

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

They’re hormonal, they’re moody, they’re hitting puberty. It’s hard to blame these shoes for being sassy when they’re clearly just going through some serious mental changes.

Chewbacca called, he wants his hair back. These shoes are perfect for when you haven’t shaved your legs so you need an accessory to distract the eyes of passersby.

An Extremely Sensible Choice

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

I don’t even know what you would call these. I don’t know, maybe “sleakers”? They have the tread of a Nike runner, but the style of a loafer.

They’re comfortable and suitable for fall, spring, or rainy days. I don’t know about you, but I’m all in for these shoes.

When You’re Running Late To Work

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Instagram / @crimesagainstshoemanity

We’ve all been there. We get out of bed WAY too late, we don’t even have time to eat breakfast, not to mention paint our nails.

But, it’s, uh, barefoot day at work. You know, that’s a common theme for offices. These shoes save you the hassle of having to look presentable for, uh, barefoot day. You’re welcome.