When you’re a kid, one of the best parts about Christmas is thinking long and hard about all the amazing things you’re going to ask Santa for. Santa has magical powers, right? So it only makes sense that he should be able to deliver that XBOX you really wanted, coveted Hamilton tickets, or even 1 million pieces of shrimp (Costco-sized, please and thank you).
These gifts are much different than what you ask grandma or grandpa for, which is why these lists are priceless. These kids knew exactly what they wanted for Christmas, and they did not hold back.
Go Big Or Go Home, Right?
We always tell our kids to reach for the stars and never stop dreaming, but how do we get them to tone it back around Christmas time? Maybe one gift card to Toys “R” Us is doable. Even $100 cash is fine if Grandma chips in.
I’m not sure if any amount of diamonds is going to be possible this year though.
Don’t Even THINK About Giving Them A Girlfriend
Christmas is in the middle of winter, which is cold and flu season. The last thing this kid can afford is to have a girlfriend that could give him cooties and keep him bed-ridden over the holidays.
He’s not sure what Santa’s plans were, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Throwing Some Shade With #10
Mom probably would have caved and got a few of these items for Christmas, but not after reading #10. This Christmas list is actually a good mix of outrageous requests and doable gifts, but #10 was the nail in the coffin.
Looks like this kid is getting a bag of coal instead.
One Day You’ll Be Grateful For All Those Free Socks
I get it. When I was a kid I hated getting socks and toothbrushes instead of the toys I asked for. But trust me, one day you’ll be begging for them.
Once you’re an adult and you realize just how much those mundane items cost, they’ll be the only thing on your Christmas list.
Wow, Feel It, Mom
Mom was doing perfectly fine on her own and doesn’t need a man to help her raise her kids. Apparently, they disagree though, and think the only way mom is going to snag a husband is if Santa brings one.
This gives a whole new meaning to seeing mommy kissing Santa Claus.
At Least They Gave You A Fair Warning
I love that this kid just skipped the charade and addressed their Christmas list right to mom. Keeping up the idea of Santa is fun for the first few years, but it’s so much easier after the kids learn the truth.
No more waking up at 4 AM and tiptoeing around the house and eating twelve cookies in five minutes.
I Mean, Don’t We All Want That From Morgan Freeman?
This list is a rollercoaster from start to finish. It begins with some normal video game requests, but then out of nowhere, they ask for new arms. Which is weird… but not as weird as asking for a new personality.
This kid is more self-deprecating than Rodney Dangerfield. The only thing that can fix their woes is a kiss from Morgan Freeman.
Someone Just Learned The Truth About Santa
This is the kind of shady list you get from your kids after they learn the truth about Santa.
There’s no easy way to break the news to your kid, and it’s even worse when they find out on the school yard or from an older sibling instead of their parents.
Any child that put’s this much effort into asking for a gift deserves it. This Christmas list is basically a TED Talk.
They began with an engaging intro, outlined the reasons why they deserve an XBOX 360 more than Kristian, and closed with a slew of compliments and pleasantries. I’m sold.
Someone Wants To Grow Up Fast
This is the Christmas list of a kid who doesn’t know whether they want to grow up or not. They want new front teeth, a mustache, and the hottest girlfriend.
On the flip side, they still really want a pony and Beyblade. Granted, what adult wouldn’t want a pony still?
Not Sure If They Make Bieber Posters Like That
This kid is definitely not a Belieber. You don’t just build this type of hate up for no reason.
My money is on the fact that he probably has an older sister that is OBSESSED with The Biebs, and now he’s asking Santa for this poster just to spite her.
Is This A Threat?
How on earth would this kid expect to get a pony, when the picture they keep drawing on their letters to Santa looks more like a kidney bean with legs?
Santa obviously didn’t bring you a pony last year because he has no idea what the heck you were even talking about.
Don’t Let Nathan Down
Santa probably gets a lot of outrageous requests that he can just toss to the side. I mean, how is Santa supposed to deliver a real dinosaur AND a robotic one?
But he’d better watch out, because if Santa let’s Nathan down, he’s going to cry.
She Did The Research, She Deserves The Cat
Christmas lists have changed in the age of Google Translate. Back when I was a kid begging for a cat, I was relying on the fact that Santa spoke English. Nowadays kids can cover all their bases with one quick Google search.
The game has changed, and this girl had better get that cat.
Raw Bacon Just Won’t Do
I love when kids request something as simple as bacon. My household drinks skim milk, but grandma and grandpa’s house has 2% milk. My youngest one requested a carton of 2% milk as her only Christmas gift.
I’ll tell you now, it’s not easy wrapping a milk carton at 3 AM and hoping the condensation doesn’t ruin it overnight.
Lin-Manuel Miranda Better Deliver
This kid’s commitment to Hamilton is one of the most impressive things I’ve seen. Even their cash was requested in bills with Alexander Hamilton on them.
Any parent knows there are much worse things your kid could be obsessed with than a musical about an important historical figure. Better Hamilton than Bieber.
We Don’t Want Another Mess Up Like Last Year
From the looks of this note for Santa, something terrible happened last year that this kid just can’t risk happening again.
Maybe their older brother mysteriously got double the presents, or they snuck down at 6:00 AM and saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.
I’m Concerned That These Are In Order
Part of me doesn’t even want to know why this child wants a giant cockroach more than a sniper rifle. I mean, I’m glad that the rifle isn’t #1, but do you really want that more than a trampoline?
It seems to me, and any parent, that this kid’s priorities are wack.
Can You Tell What This Kid’s Favorite Movie Is?
It isn’t hard to figure out what this child’s favorite movie is. Do you think if Santa can deliver an incubator, dinosaur DNA, and a force field that Santa can also deliver Jeff Goldblum?
There’s really no point creating your own Jurassic Park if there isn’t a shirtless scientist to spew philosophy the entire time.
Not Sure If The Shrimp Or The Sister Will Be More Difficult
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don’t think Santa is going to bring this little girl anything on her list. At best, they may get the Costco ring of shrimp, but even that’s pushing it.
If a sister happens to arrive, it will be a Christmas surprise for everyone.