By Gerard Haran
Look, it's Monday, day 61 of quarantine and the pollen count has to be over A BILLION right now so you'll have to forgive me for being a little cranky...
That said, I've about had it with the word "Social."
The word “social” has been co-opted by so many special interests I've LITERALLY become anti-social. I can't STAND the word.
Now listen, I'm old enough to remember when "free" and "subsidized" actually meant different things and I have to imagine the nickname Dick couldn't have always been vulgar for THAT many kids to be named Richard, so I get it...this is not the first time words have been hi-jacked or changed by a shifting culture.
I've just never seen one word be used SO MUCH and SO OFTEN with such disregard for it's common usage.
My goodness, WE GET IT ALREADY. You want to c̶o̶n̶t̶r̶o̶l̶ ̶ help us all. But do 330 Million people really need to stay this ON BRAND and ON MESSAGE all the time?!
It's like we're in the worst episode of MAD MEN EVER.
Could we AT LEAST mix it up a little bit? Mix in some of those lovely descriptive synonyms?!
"Social-Distancing" is such a weird way to describe and entire population hiding in their rooms from the cooties. "Community Distancing" is much better! Look, you're distancing yourself from the community. It works. #Boom. #Draper
"Social Media" is such an odd term for two billion bored strangers trying to ruin the lives of people they disagree with. Since by now it's well documented schadenfreude is the internet's life blood, "Amusement Media" would pretty much sum it up! Amusement Media works. MAKE IT SO! #BOOM #DRAPER
And isn't it interesting that in over three decades on this planet, I've yet to meet a sociable "socialist?"
...I don't really have a solution for that, I'm more just pointing out the irony. #BOOM #ROASTED
NOW before you jump down my throat and try to explain away the "VALUE" of your favorite sacred cow, please know--I'm sure you're right and I'm sure I just DO.NOT.CARE.
And no amount of Karen-ing will change that.
I've actually worked in politics and there's a reason I now tell jokes for a living and encourage people not to VOTE or PAY THEIR DEBTS. 🤷♂️
For what it's worth, I ascribe to the horseshoe theory and my entire political philosophy can pretty much be boiled down to "PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE, I BEG YOU!"
Huh. Maybe I've been Anti-Social all along... 😂😂😜
If you're in your feelz and want to argue with me about how you're right and saving the world and I'm just a big ol' Grump please first consider you'll be arguing with the type of person who spends two weeks of their life making THIS:
Yeah. I thought so. It ain't that serious. 😂😂😂😂😜